Moving In (short fiction)

Divine Misfortune



Lucky, raccoon god of fortune, gave Janet a tour of his new fully furnished condominium.

“Holy crap,” she said. “How much square footage is this?”

Lucky grinned. “Pretty nice, right? And you haven’t even seen the bathroom. Or the kitchen.”

“You don’t cook.”

He shrugged. “I could cook. If I wanted to.”

“Sure you could, baby.” She tweaked his ear.

He showed her the rest of the place. It culminated with the bedroom with a king-sized bed, walk-in closet, and a killer view of the city below. It wasn’t Olympus, but a minor god could do worse.

“Some guy needed some good fortune and didn’t need the place,” said Lucky. “Thought he’d hand it over to me as tribute for a tax write off. So what do you think?”

“I think it’ll be amazing. It’s even closer to my job, cut down on my commute.”

Lucky’s smile dropped.

“We’ll have to redecorate a little,” she said. “That painting in the dining room will have to go. And a new rug in the living room would probably be nice. But I think we’ll be very happy here.”

“About that . . . . ” he said.

“Oh no. No, Lucky.” She folded her arms. “No way are you talking your way out of this. You said as soon as you had a place big enough, we’d move in together.”

“It’s really not that big.”

She rolled her eyes. “We’ve been dating for three years now. Three years.”

“I just don’t see why we need to rush into things.”

“It’s not rushing. Some of us are mortal. I can’t wait around forever.”

“Yeah, but . . . . ”

“I cannot believe we have to have this conversation again. I know the deal, Lucky. I know how this works. Long after I’m dead and gone, you’ll be off with some new lady. But in the sixty or seventy years I have left, I expect some commitment.”

Lucky smiled, employing his full godly charms. He could get away with pretty much anything. So far, he’d managed to avoid meeting her parents and gotten her to overlook that time she’d caught him flirting with nymphs. But she had to draw a line somewhere.

“I’m kidding,” he said. “Of course, you can move in. Surprise!”

“Uh huh.” She knelt down and kissed his furry forehead. “That’s what I thought.”

He glanced toward the bed. “So do you want to break the place in?”

“In a minute. This reminds me. I was talking to Mom and Dad the other day—”

“Oh, shoot, look at the time.” Lucky glanced at his wrist, though he didn’t wear a watch. “I forgot about this thing I’m supposed to do. Nothing important. God stuff. Good talk, baby. We’ll pick this up later.”

He encased himself in a glowing bubble and passed through the window. He paused to mouth the words “Love ya, babe” and wink at her.

That wink got him out of trouble way too often.

She winked back and blew him a kiss before he vanished into the distance.

There were special challenges to dating a god, even a minor god like Lucky, but with Italian tile and a refrigerator the size of a Cadillac, she was willing to overlook a lot.

She sat on her brand new bed in her brand new condo and enjoyed the glorious view of the city below.

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One Comment

  1. Vernon Smead
    Posted May 11, 2015 at 2:29 pm | Permalink

    Always with the winking… ungodly moon monster wink, robots wink, racoons wink… lol

One Trackback

  1. […] Want a nice place to get started? Try this story about a Racoon god moving into a new condo: MOVING IN. […]

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