Netflix on Wii is just unbelievable. Seriously. There’s no other word for it. It’s like we’re living in the future and don’t even know it. Right now, I’m finishing up Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker, and after this, who knows? The world is at my fingertips, and it’s just something we take for granted.
By the by, Batman Beyond; Return of the Joker is a definitive Batman story as far as I’m concerned. I think I prefer the edited version. Not because of the blood in the darker version, which is slight and tasteful. But because of the way the Joker dies. I much prefer the accidental and stupid death by his own hand. It just fits the character to a T. A clueless, bumbler with delusions of grandeur, killed by his own carelessness. The perfect end to a chronic failure who strived to embody a concept of chaos.
But let’s put these thoughts aside for now and talk about something really important:
Scooby Doo.
Are you ready to get your mind blown? Good. Because I am about to reveal unto you secrets that mere mortals were never meant to know. FYI: The following secrets disregard pretty much 90 percent of Scooby Doo animated archives. While The Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby Doo is a great cartoon, it really isn’t canon as far as yours truly is concerned. No, for this post, we’ll be focusing on the traditional Scooby Doo mythos. And, yes, I am aware I just used the term “mythos” for Scooby Doo. I’m a novelologist. I can get away with it.
Have you ever watched Scooby Doo? I mean, really watched it? If you have, then you’ve probably been as confused as I have been.
Usually a standard Scooby Doo episode starts with the gang driving somewhere. And a monster appears, though not usually where anyone can see it. Instead, it lurks in the shadows, growling and hissing and generally acting monster-iffic.
And this is the first stumbling block we have to logic in the Scooby Doo universe. Why exactly would anyone do this? Oh, sure, if they actually were monsters, it would make sense. But these aren’t monsters. These are people in monster costumes. Yet here they are, prowling around in the dark, acting like monsters when there’s no one around to see them. Certainly, it’s possible that one or two are method actors and really into their role, but that just can’t be true for all of them.
And speaking of staying in character, the monsters (or rather, people in monster costumes) rarely, if ever, break character. The mystery gang never stumbles upon the monster acting remotely like the person underneath the mask. And even when Scooby Doo and Shaggy pull their “Let’s pretend we’re barbers” schtick, the monster goes along with the act for at least a little while before realizing, “Hey, I’m supposed to be a monster!” But, even when the monster is being tricked, he doesn’t act like a human, which he is.
But perhaps the biggest mystery to Scooby Doo is Scooby Doo himself. Why does this dog talk? Nobody remarks on this in the show, but clearly, talking dogs are a rarity. In fact, as far as I can tell, the only talking dogs in the Scooby mythos are the Scooby clan themselves. One can’t help but wonder why? Well, okay, maybe one can help but wonder, but not me.
Finally, why do the mystery gang keep running across monsters in the first place? Surely, this can’t be mere coincidence. It’s as if fate itself is drawing our intrepid gang of teens into these strange adventures. And indeed it is, as we shall soon see.
The secrets of Scooby Doo begin long before the show starts, perhaps long before the Scooby clan was even born. My theory is that, at some point in the past, a person performed a spell that brought dark magic to the earth. This magic manifested in the form of cursed monster costumes.
That’s right. Cursed monster costumes.
Really, it’s the only sensible explanation. How else can you explain costumes that are so realistic that they can simulate anything ranging from an evil bug from the future, a 10,000 volt ghost, or a tar monster? Think about this for a moment. How can anyone take a wetsuit and a car battery and make themselves into an electric monster? Or a tar beast? I don’t care how creative you are, that crap just don’t fly. Not without some magic on your side.
These costumes were spread around the earth by sinister forces. And every so often, a person of questionable moral fiber discovers them. The costumes use their powers to coerce these vulnerable souls. And, if the soul is vulnerable enough, the idea of running around in a monster costume to frighten people makes perfect sense, even though you’d have to be pretty dumb to think that acting like a monster would scare people away. Hasn’t worked for Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster yet, has it?
So compelled by dark forces, the person puts on the costume and actually becomes a monster. This is why they never break character, why they enjoy lurking in darkened woods, and why they can manifest surprising powers such as super strength. It’s also why something as ridiculous as a projection on a fog bank could fool anyone. It’s magic that makes it work.
Over time the costume becomes more controlling. Its eventual goal is to transform the person from a costume into a genuine monster. Often, by the time Scooby and the gang are involved, this is dangerously close to happening. This is why, even when caught, the “monsters” will rarely admit defeat. It’s only after their mask has been removed and their humanity exposed that the spell is broken and they become human once again.
But, here’s the real twist. What does any of this have to do with Scooby Doo, you might ask. Well, you’ve come this far, so I assume you’re interested.
The entire Doo family is cursed. I don’t know why. I don’t know if they had anything to do with the magic that unleashed the costumes or if they just happened to make some powerful enemies. Either way, they were cursed into dogs until all the costumes are recovered. On the bright side, they do become more human as the costumes are found. This is evident with the sliding scale of humanity exhibited by the Doo family.
Scooby Dum is less bright than Scooby Doo. This can only mean that he’s perhaps a bit older than Scooby Doo, and so, he has more dog in his nature. While both Scooby Dum and Scooby Doo can stand upright in a pinch, both prefer all fours and have obvious speech impediments. Meanwhile, Scrappy Doo is always bipedal and speaks perfectly. One can assume that if the gang continues to gather more costumes that within a few more generations, the Doo clan will once again be completely human.
(And, yes, I’m aware that many people don’t like Scrappy, but for purposes of this discussion, his contribution to the Lore of Doo is essential to our understanding. So deal with it.)
This is why Scooby and the gang are constantly running into monsters, by the way. They are drawn to these suits by the very forces of good and evil. It’s an epic struggle indeed.
As for Shaggy, Velma, Fred, and Daphne, I haven’t quite figured out their place in the battle. Perhaps they are merely along for the ride, thrill seekers. Or maybe they’re genuinely good people out to stop the forces of darkness. Or perhaps there is a more sinister purpose at work, a truly terrifying secret that we dare not explore at this stage.
I’m looking at your Fred and Daphne.
But that’s for another time.
Fighting the good fight, Writing the good write,
Lee
23 Comments
Scrappy, Ruby-doo, and Scooby-Dum are all talking dogs on Scooby Doo, buddy. The men who dressed up as monsters have a lot at stake, moneywise, and so are trying to protect their fortune. What will men do in the name of greed? They’ll dress up as monsters, and impress upon people that they are in fact monsters, so as protect the fortune. Seriously, did you not watch the Enron trial?
I don’t know if any of the Enron guys dressed up as monsters. It’s a fairly unorthodox strategy and one that is proven not to work over and over again in the Scooby Doo universe. Yet people keep trying it. This seems like more proof to me that the monster costume wearers are victims of a terrible compulsion rather than their own free will.
Dismiss what I said above. Of course you know about the Doo family. You mentioned Scooby-Dum. Ok, I’m beyond that now. What I want to know is how you define magic? What is magic, A Lee Martinez? What is magic and how is it that this magic seems more cognizant than the people it effects? Somehow magic has a destined plan? Pleas explain? Maybe I’ve been wrong about Batman all along. Or not.
Two comments…Loch Ness, Big Foot and lesser regional monsters (goat man of Corpus Christi, for instance) are just Scooby adventures waiting to happen. They can’t be everywhere. That van only moves so fast. Each adventure takes time.
As for Shaggy, Velma, Fred and Daphne, they were saved by the early Scoobys (pre-Dum? Maybe by Dum working alone?). Less evil than some of those captured in later episodes, or maybe under the influence of the costume for a shorter period of time, they realize how close they came to losing their souls to the evil and so join alongside the Scoobys to find the evil and vanquish it.
Dum working alone is a scary thought.
I’ll see your “cursed Scooby Doo family” and raise you a “Velma is Wilma Flintstone’s karmic reincarnation”!
http://gneech.com/stories/brigid-and-greg-fictionlets/fictionlet-57/
-The Gneech
So…in the new generation of Scooby Doo episodes, the suits finally turned people.
Finally, something that makes sense. I’ve always struggled with the seeming contradictions in the old/new series mythos.
Someday, you’ll straighten me out on Harry Potter too, right?
I heard a theory that if you pay attention Scooby only ever talks to Shaggy which is because Shaggy is constantly stoned. They claim there were hints to this in the series but I never went back to confirm.
Ahh, I haven’t paid enough attention, obviously. My son (he’s
watches these over and over. I think it may have been therapeutic for him. He’s had a lot of fears, and at first I didn’t like him scaring himself with Scooby Doo’s scary adventures. But I let go, and after reading your post, I’m realizing that he’s learned that scary monsters may be bad guys, but they’re never really monsters. Maybe that’s helped him get over his fears. He’s doing much better lately.
Now he’s moved on to the Pink Panther. We use Netflix instant too, and I think there are 126 episodes in the classic collection. I don’t like him watching this one, either. Pink Panther is smoking, and there are drunks in some of the episodes. (I enjoy Pink Panther myself much more than I liked Scooby Doo.) Do you have any good insights on PP?
[Crazy online editors, must be under some serious juju. I tried to say my son was 8, but the close paren has taken away my meaning and turned my aside into a sunglass wearing smiley.]
AN INQUIRY INTO THE THEORETICAL BELIEFS OF A LEE MARTINEZ
I’ve been following A. Lee Martinez for about four months. In this time, I’ve read numerous theories and opinions he has on topics such as movies, television shows, and comics. For each of these topics, Martinez has a consistent viewpoint. The viewpoint seems to be surrounded around the suspension of disbelief. I think the question on Martinez’s mind at all times is, “Could this happen in reality?” I am not sure why this question is relevant in Martinez’s mind, or if he has complex understanding of this question. In truth, I’m not sure if “Could this happen in reality?” is the right question.
Martinez has an absolute standpoint on Batman. “Batman is magic,” Martinez claims. Why is Batman magic, you might ask? Because Batman/Bruce Wayne is better at overcoming obstacles than anyone could be. Batman is an expert at everything, and no one could be an expert at everything; thus Batman is magic. Also, Batman lives in a magic universe. The universe in which Batman and all the superheroes live is magic, basically, because superheroes exist in that universe and do not exist in our non-magical universe. Our universe does not have magic, but the superhero universe does. In the magical universe, magic creates objects not found in this universe (i.e. ray guns (actually do exist in this universe), time machines (paradoxical), inter-dimensional transport machines, and the like).
Similarly, Scooby-doo is magic, according to Martinez, because 1) Scooby is a talking dog, 2) the antagonists “never breaks from their role as the monster,” 3) both protagonists and antagonists have the ability to use magical artifacts (not mentioned).
As for movies, take your pick, he mentions that in the movie Kick-Ass “a little girl couldn’t beat up a room full of strong armed guys.”
While Martinez’s theory of these depictions seems reasonable, it leaves his interlocutors with numerous unanswered questions. For instance, how does magic chose it’s magicians, does magic have a plan within the balance between the protagonal and antagonal forces, is this magic cognizant, and many, many more. (I am still working on more relevant questions as I learn more about “magic.”)
Also Martinez’s theories are devoid of metaphorical interpretation. I’m sure that the creators of these fictional tales meant for these suspension of disbelief gimmicks to be interpreted in a metaphorical moral sense, rather than in an ab-literal sense. But despite the creators intentions (whatever they might have been) Martinez gives us a new perspective on the pop culture artifacts we know and “love.”
Now, if only Martinez would explain how such a system works. What is magic?
If you’d read A Nameless Witch a bit more carefully, you’d know. He actually goes into alot of detail, if you pay attention.
By the way, your post got on my nerves a little bit. I’ll assume you never intended to irritate anyone, but, in the future, you might want to check to see if your post might sound mocking before posting it.
Don’t mind Rippley. He’s just trying to figure things out. It might come across as a little antagonistic sometimes, but I’m convinced he means well and is sincere.
@Charmscale,
It’s much more complicated than understanding Martinez’s narrative. I want to understand Martinez. And if have to be an antagonist, if I must be cruel, I will. I want ANSWERS to question that are locked in Martinez’s mind.
His craft isn’t that easy. I could teach you how write a 3D GTA-style computer game in C++ within a week. After a year, with the right software, you could build a worthwhile publishable game. But I can’t give you the blue prints, the creativity, for that game. I could teach you the fundamentals of philosophy or literary theory, and within a year you will have a deeper knowledge and understanding of life and literature. But I couldn’t possible show you you how to use these subject to make the world a better place to live, or bring folks deeper incite into literature. I could teach you a lot of things that will be useless to you, having learned them, if you are clueless about to use these tools to create.
Right now, I am clueless. Does A Lee Martinez really have the answers? Maybe. I’m not sure he knows what he knows himself, if that makes sense. But I believe, based on evidence, that he is slowly telling us what he knows. So, I analyze and deconstruct (and reconstruct in my image) every simple piece of A. Lee Martinez. Too bad, if he doesn’t want this. Too bad if I piss him off. He usually doesn’t get too pissed off anyway. A Lee Martinez, as you know, is a great guy (and far too humble).
Martinez is an accessible representative of a large, complex set of people, but he also is a good representative. Point out the highlights of nearly every genre, his books fit the criteria. Thus, in nagging Martinez relentlessly, I am slowly coming to an understanding of him and the large set of people he represents. You can’t find this information in a creative writing textbook. Creative writing textbooks will tell you that Martinez and people like Martinez eat a significant amount of bananas per day, jog, and are pretty much robotic powerhouses. Martinez confessed to me that he does not eat even a medium consumption of bananas per week–he does, however, drink an average amount of orange juice.
So there you go. Judge me if you will, but I do not care. I’m on a mission.
@Rippley
So you’re trying to understand how the mind of a writer works? Good luck.
Try looking into the works of Carl Jung. Don’t know if it will help or not, but it helped me improve my writing skills, and even if it doesn’t help, it’s interesting.
Sorry if I was a bit rude.
Rippley, you will not unlock the secrets of A. Lee Martinez.
Grasshopper knows the way is guarded by lightning fists, unspeakable riddles and impenetrable darkness. You cannot pierce the mystique.
Better to build your own mystique, shrouded with secrets and shadow.
@@jmartinlibrary,
One day, about six months ago, I read Stephen King’s ‘On Writing.’ King explains that he is going to tell you how he became a writer, how his story is unique–how all writers are unique, and pull their stories from the ether. Same crap every creative writing teacher tells their students, blah, blah, blah. Then King unloads his life story, and, at this point, I think to myself, “Really, Mr. King! Because it seems as though the things you do in life directly effect what you write about.” He writes about landing on a story, because he can’t afford stamps; so, he writes a story about a stamp counterfeiter. So, I’m led, by Mr. King, to believe that story ideas come from personal(?) vested(?) intrinsic(?) interests. Or perhaps, the stories spring from some sort of short term desire, such as “I can’t afford stamps, so what if I counterfeit them, write a story about counterfeiting stamps–cathartic-wise.”
Skip to two months later. I’m writing an extensive literary analysis about the pop culture use of mythology, so I could graduate with an M.A in lit theory. I’m reading piss loads of sci-fi and fantasy authors, on of them being A. Lee Martinez. I google search Martinez and find his blog and numerous interviews and his twitter.
Anyway, I read through all his content and thought, “Wow! Martinez is exactly the type of person who would write a story such as Monster or Divine Misfortune,” the two books I had read. I mean, clue #1) he reads comic books, clue #2) he actively participates in RPG’s, which usually have a mythical character base, clue #3) he reads books on mythic//crypto creatures, clue #4) he is very aware of pop culture artifacts–shit, he’s a straight Perez Hilton when it comes to generational pop culture.
Somewhere in there is the key to the ether. His actions lead to an idea, which lead to a story. My hypothesis is that he grabs a handful of mythical characters, slaps television personality personalities onto those characters, and the plot itself comes from random conversations with friends. If so, I would like to know how he put all those ideas together. If not, well, I’ll move on to the next hypothesis. Eventually, systematically, I WILL uncover those keys. And then, I will be able to “build my own mystique,” which I will never shroud in secrets and shadow.
Awesome, I believe the cursed monster costume theory has a great deal of merit. I don’t trust the talking dog and the teenagers who aimlessly drive around with him until stopped by the latest monster mystery which always has the same solution. Someone is doing it for the money.
Very interesting theory, to be honest. I find it amusing though, that so many people are trying to debunk the entire blog post. Why do they do that? What’s the point? We’re talking about a cartoon here, people. It doesn’t need to make sense, it doesn’t need to be over analyzed. And neither does this theory. It’s a good theory, and has some potential for something. No idea what, but it does. Either way, I like the idea that the monsters could actually be cursed.
Though you also have to figure that this is the 70s(At least the older ones.) And the people behind all the scaring do have their own issues. What I don’t get is why do they get arrested? I mean.. granted they’re disturbing the peace, and scaring people away from finding things inside the house. Or the house itself. But -why- do they get arrested? How is that illegal?
On the topic of it, how the HELL can someone make a semi-sentient robot capable of running an entire carnival? Also, don’t even get me started with the live action Cartoon Network movies. Those are just UTTER crap. Fred has brown hair in those. And NOONE pays attention to the fact that Scooby can talk.
There’s so much wrong with the Scooby Doo franchise, that it would take -years- to even begin to actually explain the general reasons behind everything. Though that one theory that Scooby only ever talks to Shaggy is a good one, I’ll have to look into that one myself. Either way, with all of the movies, all of the plotholes, and the weird were-cat women in the first movie they ever made…There’s just too much to really look into. Like I said, it would take years to explain every single bit of Scooby Doo and the reasons for everything.
Non-Canon, or Not. The movies are insanely borderline on the fact that ‘ghosts don’t exist’ as Velma seems to claim. She’s in denial because of her repressed sexuality as a lesbian, so she focuses on the scientific facts of everything to keep her mind off her secret crush on Daphne. Knowing full well she and Daphne will never have that relationship she’s always wanted, because of the fact that she’s banging both Fred and Shaggy…
Okay.. that weirds me out entirely for even bringing that up. So I’m shutting up now. XD
i just got my wii the netflix is nice you ever played zombies ate my neighbors on your wii?
No, I haven’t played Zombies Ate My Neighbors on my Wii, although I did play the heck out of it on my Super Nintendo. One of my favorite games ever.
i love all the mix of the 1950s b movie icons in it
ive read gil’s all fright diner and monster, and plan on reading In the Company of Ogres
and The Automatic Detective, wish i could find more books like those got any ideas?
something like the attack of the 50 feet woman or something with big bugs like the movie starship troopers.
theres also ghoul patrol that comes after zombies ate my neighbors, and
Herc’s Adventures thats made like the other 2 , zombie panic source is pretty fun on steam
Well now, that actually makes sense.
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